Love Type Thing
by timelording
Summary: Tegan is in love with the one girl she can never have- her sister, Sara. What happens when she decides to act on her feelings? Quincest. Multi-chapter story.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Underwater [Tegan]

I don't really know when I first started to see Sara differently. I just remember admiring how she looked in tight jeans one day, and realizing how beautiful her smile was another day. I'm not sure exactly when I started to think that the way she flipped her hair out of her eyes was really cute, or exactly when the way her throat strained when she sang turned me on. Maybe I'd always felt this way about Sara- she had always been beautiful to me. I'm just not exactly sure when my heart and mind and body decided that I thought she was beautiful in more ways than one, in a non-sisterly way. I'm not sure when I stopped being disgusted by the rumors that we were together, and started becoming intrigued by them. I'm not sure when my heart started racing whenever Sara walked into a room, or every time she smiled at me, or touched me in the most innocent of ways- an accidental brush in the cramped bus quarters, or a light touch on the shoulder for reassurance, or her hand on my back as we walked on stage. I'm not sure when my pulse first started to jump when we were alone in a room together, or when my mouth couldn't find words to say around her. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, I'm not really sure when I first fell in love with Sara. All I'm really sure of is that I love her, with every fiber of my being.

"Tegan, have you seen my blue skinny jeans?" I heard Sara call across the bus.

I put my book against my chest and looked down at the blue skinny jeans I was wearing. "Um. No?" I called back.

"Are you sure? I can't find them anywhere."

"Uh, yeah, I'm sure." I picked back up my book as I heard Sara's footsteps.

I saw Sara stop at the doorway to the back lounge out of the corner of my eye. She crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame. "Tegan."

I cleared my throat and didn't look away from my book. "Yeah, Sara?"

"You're wearing my pants."

"Really?" I put my book back down on my chest and feigned surprise as I looked at my legs in her jeans. "Oh, well would you look at that. I am. How did that happen?" I carefully avoided Sara's eyes.

"Tegan."

I finally looked up at her. "Found your jeans, Sara." I smiled a gummy smile at her.

"Oh, ha ha. Very funny, Tegan." I watched as Sara tried to keep a straight face, but a smile broke through. "Give me back my pants." She held out a hand.

"What, just take them off, right here?"

"If you want. I mean, you can go change in the bathroom if you feel the need. Just give me back my pants."

I sighed deeply making sure she could see my frustration. I put my book down and stood up. I unbuckled my belt and pulled it off. I unbuttoned the jeans and peeled them off (Sara was a little smaller than me, and so her pants were a little tighter).

I put them in Sara's outstretched hands and walked past her to the closet.

I heard her quiet, almost silent laugh, and then she said, "Oh, Tegan? You forgot something."

"What?" I asked as I pulled on a new pair of jeans.

She snorted. "Your dignity."

"Very funny, Sara. Thanks." I rolled my eyes as she laughed again.

"What? I thought it was funny! It was clever!" she said indignantly.

I walked back into the lounge and picked up my book. I flopped down on the couch and put my feet up.

Sara came over, picked up my legs, sat down, and then put my legs back down on top of hers. "Whatcha reading?"

"That one book you told me to read, Hotel New Hampshire." I tried to make my heartbeat slow- it had started pounding, just from the simple, innocent contact between Sara and me.

"Oh yeah, how do you like it?"

"It's pretty good so far, I see why you recommended it."

I was probably reading _too _far into the meaning behind her recommendation. There was an incestual relationship between two characters in the book. Sara had told me she really liked the book, and thought I would too, and that I should read it. Was she trying to tell me something? Was she trying, in her own awkward, shy, way to tell me that she felt a little more than sisterly love towards me?

No. Of course she wasn't. It was stupid of me to even entertain the thought.

But…what if…what if she did feel the same?

I made a split second decision that I would probably regret.

"Hey, Sara? Can I talk to you about something?" I closed the book and swung my legs off the couch.

"Yeah, sure. What's up?" She brought her legs up, "criss-cross applesauce" style.

I felt my hands start to get sweaty, so I wiped them on my pants and took a deep breath.

"What's wrong, Tegan? Why are you nervous?"

She knew me so well-my palms always got sweaty when I was nervous.

I decided to just come out with it.

"I-I love you, Sara. A lot." I said to my knees.

I saw her tilt her head in confusion. "I love you too, Tegan."

Now I was confused. Did she just not understand? Or was she playing dumb?

I decided to take my chances-I don't know why, I knew I was going to regret this whole situation- and scooted closer to Sara.

I looked up at Sara, cleared my throat, and opened my mouth to speak. The words got lost in my throat as my eyes met Sara's beautiful hazel ones.

Heat of the moment seized me, and I did something that no one in their right mind should ever do.

I kissed my sister.

It wasn't anything hot or steamy. It didn't last long. But it was sweet. I had always known that Sara's mouth would fit perfectly with mine.

Something I hadn't seen coming was Sara's reaction.

Her shock froze her there for a moment, and then she pushed me away rather violently. I fell onto my back on the couch as she stood up. I couldn't read the look in her eyes, but her face betrayed her- she was confused and angry.

"What the _fuck _was that, Tegan!" she yelled.

I pushed myself back up into a sitting position.

"I-I don't-Sara, I-" I stuttered.

"God, Tegan! I just- I don't even know what to do right now! How long have we been trying to fight these rumors- how could you even- I just-" she paced back and forth quickly.

I put my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

"How long have you felt- no, don't answer that, I don't want to know. I just- I can't even _look _at you right now, Tegan. I just- I need to- we'll talk about this later."

I looked up in time to see her storming away. I heard her muttering and slamming something around. I wasn't like there was anywhere she could go- we were on a moving bus.

What had I just done?

I had just fucked everything up, that's what I'd done.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Not With You [Sara]

Why had Tegan's lips felt so good against mine? Why had our lips fit so perfectly together? It was wrong and disgusting on so many levels. It was unnatural and gag-worthy.

So why couldn't I get it out my head?

My thoughts kept straying back to the way Tegan had looked at me before she had kissed me. Her face, so similar to mine, yet so different, had looked so happy. Her hazel eyes had been full of love and wonder.

It was me she had looked at like that. _Me._

And it disgusted me.

Yet… I couldn't seem to stop thinking about it.

Tegan had recovered rather gracefully from the incident-unlike me. I had stormed around the bus in a whirl of emotions for days. Tegan, however, continued life as it had gone on before.

But there was a certain sadness in her voice. I could hear it when she talked to the guys-I refused to talk to her, so she had been spending a lot of time with Ted and Shaun. I could see the sadness in her eyes when she was staring out the window.

It tore me up inside that I was doing this to her. It tore me up inside that I was the reason for her sadness. But it wasn't my fault-I just didn't know what to think. Or feel for that matter.

Sometimes I'd be disgusted by what had happened.

Other times, I'd catch myself staring at Tegan, admiring the way her eyes caught the light, or the way her hands looked when she played guitar.

It had been five days since Tegan had kissed me, and I hadn't talked to her once between now and then. The guys thought we were fighting-they tried to make me tell them why I was mad. They tried to get me to talk to Tegan, but I refused.

I tried to tell myself that the reason I wasn't talking to Tegan was because I was disgusted by her and her feelings.

But the truth was… it was because I wasn't sure how I felt. It was possible that I felt the same way, and that was wrong.

It wasn't Tegan I was disgusted with, it was myself.

….

"Hey, Tegan, wanna play cards?" I heard Ted shout across the bus.

"Uh, yeah, sure!" I heard her answer. Her voice sounded bright and happy-I wish I knew that feeling.

I was curled up in my bunk, facing the wall, trying to determine how much I hated myself. On a scale of one to ten, it was probably one billion.

I hated myself for hurting Tegan. I hated myself for the way she had looked at me when I yelled at her. I hated myself for my feelings. I hated myself for the way I wasn't sure whether or not I felt more than sisterly love towards Tegan. Honestly, I just hated myself in general.

"Hey, Sara?" Tegan's soft voice startled me-she hadn't spoken to me for almost a week.

I rolled over to find Tegan's face close to mine, her head inside my bunk. I flinched back, and then saw the pain in Tegan's eyes from my reaction.

God, I hate myself.

She decided to ignore my reaction and said, "Do you, uh, wanna come play cards with us?"

I shook my head. I was still refusing to talk to her-I was afraid of the words that would come out of my mouth if I tried to speak to her.

"You sure, Sare?" Tegan looked concerned.

I just nodded. I saw the pain, on her face now, and averted my eyes.

"Hey, um. I… I'm sorry… about what… you know, what I-"

I finally spoke. "No, Tegan. Don't. Please. Just-just don't."

I avoided her eyes, afraid of what I'd see there.

Her voice was quiet and sad when she spoke again. "Alright, Sara. If… if you want to come join us, we're in the back lounge." And then she was gone.

Oh, god, the back lounge. That was where it had happened. That was where everything I had thought was stable in my life had gotten turned upside down and inside out. I didn't think I ever wanted to be in there again.

I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling of my bunk. I closed my eyes and listened to Ted, Tegan, Shaun and Johnny talking and laughing.

It made me happy to hear Tegan laugh. She hadn't laughed-hardly at all-in the past week-which was my fault. Add another bulletpoint to my list of reasons why I hate myself.

I sighed and opened my eyes.

Maybe…maybe I would join them. I hadn't been happy at all for the past week-I deserved to have fun.

But I still wouldn't talk to Tegan. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet.

I rolled out of my bunk, onto my feet. I straightened out my oversized sweater as I walked slowly to the back lounge. I took a deep breath before I stepped into the room.

Tegan looked up at me and smiled hugely-my breath caught in my throat. She was so beautiful.

My list of reasons why I hate myself got longer.

"Hey, Sare! You wanna play?" she asked brightly.

I cleared my throat. "Uh. Yeah. I do."

"Well, come on!"

The only seat left was next to Tegan. I was starting to reconsider this idea- I didn't know how my body would react at being that close to Tegan's.

I went and sat down, though. I was going to have fun, god dammit, if it was the last thing I did.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Finally, chapter 3! I actually had a lot of fun writing this one. I definitely enjoyed it. This might be the longest chapter so far, I'm not sure. I just find it easier for me, to write from Tegan's point of view, so the Tegan chapters are always longer than Sara ones.

**Disclaimer:** I feel like maybe there should be a disclaimer? Just to clear the air for everyone, that I do, indeed own Tegan and Sara.

* * *

Chapter 3- You Went Away [Tegan]

I was trying to get over Sara, I really was. It was obvious that she didn't feel the same. It was obvious that she was disgusted by me, and what had happened. She hadn't talked to me in almost a week. She refused to be in the same room as me. She refused to be near me. The only time she would be anywhere close to me was on stage, and that was because she had to be. Our fans could tell something was up- we weren't as talkative on stage. I just didn't want to force Sara to be around me, as it was obviously making her unhappy. And I hated making her unhappy.

She had been upset and angry and confused all week- I could feel the emotions coming off of her in waves whenever she was near me. I hated that I was making her feel this way. I hated that I was causing the misery I could see in her eyes. I didn't know how to fix it though, because she wouldn't let me talk to her. So I just settled with trying to get over her.

She wasn't making it easy though. Everything she did made me fall more in love with her. Like the way she's got this tiny little hint of a lisp- it's barely there, but when I hear it, it's the most adorable thing ever. And then the way she blushes and ducks her head when a fan says that they love her. Everything Sara does is cute.

But I was trying to get over Sara, I really was.

….

"Um. Tegan, uh. Can- can we talk?"

I heard Sara's voice over my music in my ears. She poked her head into my bunk and I smiled as I pulled my headphones out. She returned a half-smile , but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Yeah, sure, Sare. What's wrong?"

She cast her eyes down. "Well. Uh. I was kinda hoping we could go somewhere more private?"

Oh. _That's _what she wanted to talk about. My heart jumped into my throat.

"Uh, sure. Where did you have in mind?" As I climbed out of my bunk, she moved back- but not far enough. When my feet touched the ground and I straightened up, our bodies were practically touching, our faces close. She didn't flinch away though, just held my gaze, her eyes searching mine. My tongue seemed to be caught in my throat- I couldn't say a single word.

She finally stepped back and I realised I had been holding my breath.

I tried to catch her glance again, but she wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Uh, well, I was thinking we could just go for a walk? I think I saw a park around here."

"Sounds good, let me just grab a jacket."

"Aright, I'll wait outside the bus." I watched as she turned and walked away, and off the bus.

My pulse suddenly picked up- I was nervous. What was she going to say? Was she going to say she never wanted to see me again? I didn't think I could live with that- I needed her in my life, even as just my sister, nothing more.

I pulled my jacket out of my bunk and put it on. I slipped my Macbeth's on and started walking to meet Sara outside. Then I noticed she had left her jacket on the floor by the bathroom. I picked it up and draped it over my arm as I got off the bus.

I looked around, and there she was, leaning against the side of the bus.

"Hey, you left your jacket, so I got it for you." I held it out as I walked over to her.

She took it and pulled it on, zipping it up all the way. "Thanks, Tegan," she said softly, holding my gaze.

I felt myself turning red, and looked away. "So, uh, a park, eh?"

"Yeah, it's this way, I think…" I followed her as she led the way to a shady sidewalk. We walked in silence- it felt like the dark clouds were closing in on me, pressing heavily on the strained silence between Sara and I.

I finally spoke up; the quiet was too much for me. "So. Um. You wanted to talk to me?" I put my hands in my jacket pocket, and averted my gaze from Sara to the sidewalk as she glanced at me.

"Well. Um. Yeah." She began awkwardly.

I waited- she would say what she had to say when she was ready.

"I- I wanted to talk to about. About what happened the other day, between us. I, um. I-" she stopped in front of a gate- I could see the park through it. "Oh, here's the park." She opened the gate and went through. I followed closely as she made her way to a bench under an overhanging tree. She sat down and patted the spot next to her. I sat down after a moment's hesitation- this would be the closest I had been to her since the kiss.

"So… you were saying?" I prompted.

She looked down at her clasped hands on her lap. "Uh. I wanted to… I wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I've been acting. I know I've hurt you, and I hate myself for it."

I opened my mouth to protest; to tell her she was wrong, that I was fine- even though she had hurt me. She stopped me before I could speak.

"No, just. Just shut up for a second and let me finish."

I closed my mouth, a bit taken aback, and waited for her to speak.

She seemed to struggle with her words for a second, and then she spoke again. "I. This is really hard for me to say, and I'm not really exactly sure how to day it, so…" she paused, and I waited, almost cringing at the words I was sure were going to come- _'I never want to see you again, Tegan'._

I watched as her eyes flicked up to mine, and a small smile turned up the corners of her mouth. I blinked, confused.

"I- I love you, Tegan. A lot."

"What?" This was not what I was expecting.

But then, as she leaned towards me hesitantly, I suddenly understood what was going on.

"Oh. _Oh._" I was cut off as she pressed her lips against mine- willingly and knowingly this time.

For me to say that this second kiss between Sara and I was neither hot nor steamy would be a lie. I felt a blush rising up onto my cheeks as Sara's tongue pressed up against my lips. I opened my mouth and her tongue was suddenly touching mine, suddenly exploring my mouth.

I responded just as enthusiastically to her kiss. I reached up and tangled my fingers in her hair, pulling her closer, closing the space between our bodies on this small bench- suddenly, Sara pulled away.

I searched her face, worried. Her hazel eyes were wet, and she wouldn't meet my gaze.

"Sara? What's wrong?" I asked. She looked away and put her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. She stayed silent, refusing to answer my question.

"Sare?" I reached to put my hand on her back, but pulled away, thinking that maybe that wasn't such a good idea. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" I asked again.

It took a moment, but she finally responded. "I don't know, Tegan. Just when I think I'm okay, okay with how I feel about you, how you feel about me, I think about how everyone would react to it, I think about how disgusted everyone would be, and I just feel sick. And I don't know how to keep from thinking these things, but I hate it."

I was quiet. I wasn't entirely sure how to answer her. I had gone through the same thing when I first realised how I felt about Sara.

She must have heard more in my silence than intended, because she raised her head and looked at me. The expression on her face broke my heart.

Oh, Sara," I murmured. I reached out and put my hand on her cheek, and wiped her tears with my thumb. "Oh, Sara," I repeated. I pulled her close to me, and wrapped my arms around her. She put her head on my shoulder, and began to cry, harder than before.

"Shhh, it's ok, Sare-bear. I'm here, its ok." I kissed her hair and held her tighter- this sorrow, her pain, was piercing me like it was my own.

"I just…I'm so confused, Tegan," she said.

"I know, Sara, I know. I've been where you are right now." I cut myself off, my throat burning from trying to hold back tears.

I don't know how long we stayed there like that, with me holding Sara as she cried, but it was a while.

As Sara slowly pulled herself together, I swallowed thickly, trying to swallow my own tears that I'd been fighting this whole time.

"Sara. I. I want you to know that…that I'm not ever going to go anywhere. I'm always here for you, no matter what. Okay?"

She pushed herself off of me and I let go of her. She didn't say anything, just stared into my eyes. I reached up and wiped her tears with the sleeve of my jacket. "I love you, Sara. So much."

"I love you too, Tegan." Her voice was hoarse from crying.

I stood up and held out my hand. She took it and stood up beside me. I wrapped my arms around her in a quick hug and said, "Come on, let's go back to the bus and get you in the shower." She nodded.

I smiled mischievously. "No offense, Sare, but you look like a mess," I said as we started walking out of the park.

"Shut up," she said, and punched my arm, but she was smiling. I laughed, and her smile widened.

Suddenly, there was a crash of thunder, and without warning, rain started pouring down on us.

We were frozen for a moment, until Sara said, "Come on!" and began to run, pulling me with her, laughing.

We ran back to the bus, laughing the whole way. I watched Sara's face, the joy on it so contrasting to the sorrow that been only just before.

What were we going to do now?

* * *

**A/N: **:3 What did you think? Too cute? And what about the ~cliffhanger~? Can that even be classified as a cliffhanger I don't think so, actually,

If you review I'll be your best friend and I'll get that cute boy and/or girl whichever you prefer who sits next me to me to talk to you. :3


End file.
